Bloggity Nephew-to-Be

Hello, Blogosphere. Long time no talk. That's ok, because this blog is not for school, and I update it when I feel like it.

I have a Tumblr, and I sometimes update that when I'm feeling funny, or random. The only trouble with using my Tumblr to blog is that anyone from my Facebook will immediately see what I post because I have it on a push to my feed. It's fine for some things like random pictures or whatever, but not everyone takes the time to come to my info page and scroll down to see that I have a blog.

It's like my life online on 3 levels: Public (Facebook), Semi-Public (Tumblr), and Semi-Private (This blog). Most of the people I know or talk to who I ask if they've ready my blog think I'm speaking about my Tumblr, and normally I'm not. I also don't update this one as often, so I can see why not a lot of people would come here. I can to work on this.

So, what do I owe this rare occasion? I am blogging today because I am going to have a new little nephew born soon. He will be my first nephew. My husband already has a nephew and so I've just had him until now. It will be neat to know that my big brother is the dad of my nephew. I'm excited to hold him and to play cars with him when he gets older. I love my little niece, but a boy is just so different from a girl. I already know he's going to be super outgoing and incredibly smart.

I had the best weekend ever. My cousin V had her 21st Birthday party and so my husband and I worked on making a soccer cake with a 21 and the letter V on it. I think it turned out super cute. Here's a picture of it:


I think it's some of our most professional work yet, but I'm probably just biased. :) We have done some other good stuff too - but the difference between this job and other ones is the fact that we got paid. It was a different feeling - and good for us to think about how we want to run this as a business someday.

I will probably be posting mostly pictures here of my niece and nephew. I get so exited to show people how super cute my niece is and so I sometimes worry that people on Facebook are like "another one?!" So I think putting them here will help me with that. :)

Another work week. School for this semester is almost over, I just have a few weeks left. It's been an interesting experience, to say the least. I think I will still go back to school again in the summer. I was debating - but it keeps me busy and not bored to be in school, so it's a good thing. Ish.

Can't wait much longer

Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions.
Clambering for the scraps
In the shatter of us collapsed.
That cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says: "Time heals everything."
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

There's nothing to see here now,
Turning the sign around;
We're closed to the Earth 'til further notice.
Stumbling cliché case -
Crumpled and puffy-faced -
Dead in the stare of a thousand miles.

All I want: only one street-level miracle.
I'll be a an out-and-out, born again from none more cynical.

Everybody says that time heals everything all in the end.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out?

And sit here cold?
We'll be long gone by then.
And lackluster in dust we lay
'round old magazines.
Fluorescent lighting sets the scene
For all we could and should be being
In the one life that we've got.

In the one life that we've got.

Everybody says that time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?

Are we just going to wait it out?
Sit here. Just going to wait it out?
Sit here cold. Just going to sweat it out?

Wait it out.

I want to fly...

Maybe she said she was going to tell/ She was going
Or maybe he knew she was going to tell/ She was going

The back, the back, the back/ I didn't know it was your back
Oh run away Genevieve/ Run through the woods/ Run there

Are you at home in bed?, aware?, scared?
It's so dark there/ I feel it in the air
The rage is still under the surface

I want to fly
Give me your pain
I'll take it away

My troubled people
Maybe she said she was going to tell/ She was going
Or maybe she knew she was going to die/ She was going

I want to fly
Give me your pain
I'll take it away

My troubled people
Oh give yourself over to the answers
Oh give yourself over to the medicine
Oh give yourself over to the answers
Oh give yourself over to the medicine

Genevieve, where was God?
Genevieve, where was....

I understand/ I understand
I move from the most innocent to the guiltiest
into another land........

Must. Eat.

For the first time - ever - I feel like I have to force myself to eat. I don't like this. I hope I can make it through this day.

50th Post - Killer at Large

When I first started this blog, I didn't know I would ever have 50 posts. I obviously should have many more, but I am still pretty proud of the fact that I even got to 50. I wasn't sure what I was going to post for my 50th post, but decided that I would share something with you that I am proud of.

May 23, 2007 - thinking back to this time in my life... I had been working for eBay for almost 6 months and I was in the thickest part of being a busy Account Manager. I remember coming home from work on the day I was to be filmed for the documentary Killer at Large. (You can also find it on iTunes)

When the director and his cameraman arrived, they rushed around moving things this way and that way... my couch forward, my table back, my new palm tree into the corner... they closed the blinds and put up big tripods and light fixtures. They had me sit down on my couch, and put a mic on me... I felt so important!

The interview lasted about an hour, the director asked me all sorts of questions, from things like my life in high school, to my dating life as an overweight person, to having gastric bypass surgery and losing 200 lbs. It was very interesting to talk about some of the things I hadn't thought about in a long time. I was able to express things that I wouldn't have even thought of talking about.

I really felt like what I said would give a voice to overweight people who don't often feel comfortable sharing. I said things that I would not have talked about when I was fat. Because those things usually go unsaid.

I talked about inadvertent discrimination, in all aspects. Such as not getting opportunities, not feeling as smart, not wanting to try, accepting the fate of being fat, and not being seen as a sexual or physically attractive person.

Feeling out of place. Feeling awkward. Thinking about things that thin people don't. Overthinking things that thin people don't think about at all. Things like "I hope my back fat isn't hanging over the side of this chair." and "I am uncomfortable right now because I know my shirt is stuffed in between my stomach rolls, and I'm afraid someone will notice if I pull it out. But if I don't pull it out, then they will see my fat. I will think of a distraction and make a funny joke, and when they're laughing, I'll pull my shirt out."

Thin people might laugh at that or think that the overweight person is crazy. But I guarantee you, this is just the tip of the iceberg. And it's sad because overweight people don't want to think that way, but irrational thoughts like that are so common, it's scary.

And you all wonder why I overthink EVERYTHING.

I also spoke of addiction, and how food is like a drug to me. I compared eating 4 Big Macs in the middle of a busy mall food court to shooting up heroin in the same place. People may look at you funny if they noticed 4 Big Macs on a tray - but they wouldn't stop you or call the police. You seem much more likely to die from heroin - but the numbers are actually in favor of obesity if you compare drug overdose to obesity as cause of death.

It's easy to maintain a food addiction in this country. It's generally socially acceptable to eat in public... even if you are considered "morbidly obese" because food is a necessity - something like air or water. And sadly, food is as accessible (and almost as cheap) in America as air or water is.

Now - I would like to share the section of my interview that made it into the film. I didn't actually see all of those things I said make it into the final cut. I remember being sad that my comments about addiction and abuse of food didn't make it in. The stuff that made it in was really "my story" and how I overcame my problem of obesity.

I still struggle with my addiction to food every day. I don't let it control me as much, and I don't focus on the negative that came with the guilt associated with food. I am sharing this today mostly to remind myself that I have come a long way, and that my road is special. I sometimes struggle to remember that I was built to overcome adversity and tough stuff. I feel weak - but really I am strong. Now, if I could only just fix my brain...

Brielle!

I spent the weekend with my sister and her husband. We had such a great time, and I got to spend some real quality time with my new neice. She is so darling! I am working on uploading some photos of her, but in the meantime, here are a couple of videos I made. These are from her birthday. More to come!

Procrastination Motivation

I often get discouraged, and worry that I will never really feel extremely motivated. I forget that this is a lifelong struggle for a lot of us. I am throwing an open question out to you: What do you do to motivate yourself to get going or to work on something you don't really want to do?

Like the greatest procrastinators of all time, I usually distract myself with something I'd RATHER do instead of what I SHOULD be doing. That is classic procrastination, no?

I figured out a positive way to procrastinate... but it can backfire. I've learned to give myself another choice of something else I'm procrastinating and decide to do the "lesser of two evils". It works pretty well.

An example is cleaning my office. If I'd rather not clean my office, I give myself another choice of cleaning my bathroom. I'd rather clean my office than clean my bathroom - so I end up cleaning my office to procrastinate cleaning my bathroom. Then, when I think of exercising - I will clean my bathroom before going for a walk. It can be bad if there is something I REALLY don't want to do, because I think of a million other things I can do instead. This is where things fall through the cracks.

What do you do to motivate yourself? Do you have a similar form of distraction? This form is not always positive, but it works for me. Now that I've distracted myself from cleaning my office and then working, I think I'll get up and go clean the bathroom so I can exercise. ;)

Auntie Jennie!

I am pretty excited, today I may become an aunt to my first niece on my side! My sister is getting induced as we speak. I am going to be driving up to see her very soon.

This will be the first baby in our immediate family, and my parents first grandchild. My sister has been going through so much!

I plan on taking my video camera and capturing some of the moments. If she says it's ok, I will share them here.

I CAN'T WAIT! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY EVER!!

Here are some fun pictures of my sister and me when we were little.

Lately...

Lately...
Things have been going ok.

Lately...
I have had a toothache, and get to go back to the dentist again today.

Lately...
I have not been sick with anything crazy.

Lately...
The holidays have been great.

Lately...
My iPhone makes me happy.

Lately...
My sister has been pregnant and will be having a little girl any moment now.

Lately...
My husband has been out of work.

Lately...
I have been less hungry than normal.

Lately...
I've kept my office clean.

Lately...
I've been spending a lot of time with my Sister-in-Law, Autumn.

Lately...
I have been going to bed extremely early.

Lately...
My mind feels crazy.

Lately...
I have been craving healthier foods. (Carrots, fruit, nothing at all)

Lately...
I have wanted to sleep all day.

Barcelona

Barcelona: where the winds all blew
The churches don't have windows
But the graveyards do
Me and my shadow are wrestling again
Look out stranger, there's a dark cloud moving in

But if you could hear
The voice in my heart
It would tell you
I'm too far from home
Won't somebody please
Hold me release me show me
The meaning of mercy
Let me loose

Fly...
Let me fly
Let me fly

Super paranoid
I'm blending I'm blurring, I am bleeding
Into the scenery
Loving someone else is always so much easier
I hold nyself hostage in the mirror

If you could hear the voice in my heart
It would tell you
I'm afraid I'm alone
Won't somebody please
Hold me, release me, show me
The meaning of mercy
Let me loose

Fly...
Let me fly

And I won't be held down
No, I won't be held back
I will lead with my faith

The red light is following me
But don't worry mother
It's no longer my gravity
Won't somebody please
Hold me, release me, show me
The meaning of mercy
Let me loose

Fly...
Let me fly
Let me fly
Let me fly

Nighmares

Why do we have nightmares?

They can make you feel extremely scared and frightened.

Characterized by vivid imagery and extreme feelings such as anxiety, fear, sadness or guilt they are powerful enough to wake you up.

In adults, about 50% report experiencing nightmares occasionally and of these, they occur more often in women than men.

There are certain factors that contribute to frightening dreams occurring in adults:

Stress and anxiety in adults is the main reason that causes bad dreams. If there are some stressful events or huge changes in your life this can definitely lead to frightening dreams.

Traumatic events such as deaths, serious injuries or being attacked can bring on a severe form called Post Traumatic Nightmares and these are more severe than regular bad dreams and are usually recurring dreams. Treatment can be sought for these forms of dreams as they are usually more disturbing and persistent in nature.

For me personally, I often have bad dreams with a re-occurring theme. I have been dealing with this for around 5 years now. The dreams become so real that I often have dreams about these bad dreams.

Do you ever dream in your sleep about trying to wake up from a bad dream? At least once a week, I have the same dream in which I am lying in bed and attempting to wake up from one of these re-occuring dreams. I will go as far as pinching my arms and holding my breath in these dreams to try to see if I am actually awake. The dream seems to exist in layers. Over and over again (often as many as 25ish times) I will try to wake myself up, walk around, even pinch myself or hold my breath to try to realize actual life again. When I finally do wake up, I am usually sweating, and my arms and chest hurt from these attempts. The weird part is that I can remember everything that I tried in order to wake myself up, so it almost feels like I have just pulled back the very bottom layer to unearth myself from these attempts.

I will have these waking up dreams right after my normal re-occuring nightmares. These nightmares are so real that I will often wake up and function for the first few hours of the day believing that the dream happened yesterday and I am experiencing my first day in post-nightmare theme mode. When I finally realize that I had been dreaming, I often experience anxiety or extreme depression.

This happens a lot. More often than I would like to admit.

I grow tired of being angry at people in my life for things my brain makes up. I grow tired of trying to throw myself out of sleep just to escape these stupid dreams. Because I mentally cannot escape sleep at night, I cannot escape the dreams. I have tried listening to positive hypnotherapy and thinking positive thoughts as I drift off.

Sometimes my husband asks me why I wake up 2, 3 or 4 hours before I have to get ready for the day. I tell him it's because I need enough time to wake up. But the truth is, the longer I sleep, the more upsetting the dreams become. Sometimes, if I wake up before my brain has a chance to finish these dreams, I can avoid the "trying to wake up" dreams.

Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone ever experienced these types of dreams?

There is only one simple verbal quote that I was once told. I do not like the person who told me this quote, and we don't get along. I believe their only useful contribution to my entire life would be this one quote.

"We experience these dreams so we can appreciate the fact that life is not really like that for us. When we wake up, we can see that life is not really that bad, and that everything is really ok."

This quote has helped me move forward so many times. I have to keep telling myself this nearly every day after one of these dreams. It is helpful, but it is only a temporary salve until the next dream comes and stops me dead in my sleep.

Thanksgiving

It's interesting how I often forget about my blog and don't post for days and even weeks at a time. It is not intentional for me to forget about my blog, because I tend to avoid certain things if I'm feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job. I can't really vow to try and do better, because unless blogging more often is a major goal of mine, it will always be bobbing in the sea of my "I'll try to get to it".

I celebrated Thanksgiving today with my family in Boise, Idaho. I have been coming up here for as long as I can remember to eat Thanksgiving dinner with all of my mom's side relatives. My grandparents are getting so old, and it's tough to watch them moving slower and physically deteriorating. For example, my Grandpa gave the family prayer for dinner, and it was like he was in a loop. He kept saying the same things over and over again... and my uncle had to stop him after he'd been going for what seemed like forever. I couldn't believe how his mind has started to slow down. He is the one of the smartest people I know, and if his mind goes - there won't be much left of him. I love my Grandpa.

My Grandpa has had a pretty awesome life. He has some really interesting stories. He likes to tell them anytime he can. For example, he had the first radio station in the entire state of Idaho. He also established the first hamburger stand in all of the continent of Africa. He sold the first hamburger in South Africa. He is a major reason why I feel I have such a strong work ethic. He has always pushed me to work hard, and has reinforced the fact that "hard work pays off".

Every family has troubles, and often doesn't get along, but I feel like my family works hard to be friends. We have a few hiccups with a few people, but who doesn't? I think for the size of our family, we do really well with making sure we all get along. I love that all of my cousins and I can still hug each other.

Here are some things I am thankful for:
1. My husband, Arthur
2. My family
3. The relationship I have with my family
4. My job
5. Our home
6. Good food
7. My cats
8. Friends
9. My country
10. My health

It's late, and I wanted to get up to go shopping in the morning, but I think my husband and I are going to sleep in a little and then go to IHOP for breakfast. I love IHOP. Butter Pecan syrup, here I come!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Samson... Who or What is Your Delilah?

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
and kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
and he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

The Top 10 Blogs I Follow

I follow a few blogs on Blogger, and I really enjoy reading them. I promised my friend Jordan that I would write about all of the Blogs I like to follow and tell a bit more about the people and how I know them.

Here is a list of the blogs I follow listed in alphabetical order on my follow list, I hope you can follow them too!

1. Ashley Mae's Blog - I met Ashley back when I first moved to Bountiful when I was 8. She and I grew up in the same ward together and we were friends for a long time. I like to read her blog because it keeps me up to date on how she is doing.

2. Derekiscool.com - I met Derek through eBay. I actually first saw him when I trained him to take calls for my department when we needed some help due to high call volumes. One of the first things he told me was that he was going through kidney stones. He went on about how he had to pass it, and I thought I would die from laughing so hard. Derek is a great friend, and he is probably one of the funniest people I know. You will enjoy reading his entries because of how awesome he is.

3. Erin Fuller - I'm not sure if her blog is private, but you can try to check it out if you would like. Erin was in one of our new hire classes at eBay and I trained her in the department we used to both work in. Erin loves the movie Anastasia and everything that has to do with that time period. She's got a great dry sense of humor.

4. Nate, Danette and Sebastian - I grew up in Bountiful and the Ariotti family lived across the road from us. Nate is one of like 7 or 8 children in the family, and this is he and his wife's blog. They are a cute little family and I love reading about Danette's job.

5. Norm's Blog - Norm and I have been friends for a long time. Norm and I met back when I was just out of high school. He was friends with two people I associated with around the time I was 18 and 19 years old. I tried to date him and I ended up dating his best friend. Norm loves education and has been through more college than anyone I know. He is a teacher now, and he is one of the smartest people I know.

6. Positive Incite - Mark D. Mark and I used to work together for eBay. Mark lives in Vancouver, British Columbia Canada. He and I met once when I was there in 2007 and I didn't really remember him. We didn't become better friends until we worked together on a training project in 2008. We were very good friends he helped me through some very tough times at work. I appreciate his positivity and kindness. He is my favorite Canadian!

7. The Lenablog - Jordan is someone who I trained in a new hire eBay class back in 2008. I enjoyed his intelligent humor and his quick wit. Normally, I don't remember new hires because of all of the new faces and names, but Jordan was hard to forget. Jordan moved quickly into one of the higher departments at eBay and he is very good at programming. He likes to sell on eBay and is a Top Seller. He loves good music and he and his wife are cute together. His blog is very interesting, you should check it out.

8.Whitney and Leo - My sister in law and my big brother. Whitney's blog is one of my most favorite to read because she can blog about anything and I love reading it. She could blog about cleaning blinds, and I would probably laugh, cry and feel hungry. I love Whitney so much! She is the best person my brother could have married. My brother doesn't blog here, but he is mentioned in it a lot. I love my brother too!

9. Melissa and Eric - I knew Melissa back when I lived in Bountiful. We were very close friends during and after high school. She also got me through some tough times, and I really enjoyed being her friend. She and her cute husband are fun to spend time with, and I love Melissa's family very much.

10. Tyson and Aimee "Waters World" - I mentioned this family back at the beginning of November when I first started NaBloPoMo. I love reading Aimee's blog because she updates practically every day now! One of my favorite couples to hang out with, for sure.

I hoped you enjoyed reading about the Top Ten blogs I follow. Check them out! Thanks to Jordan for this great idea!

Short Story: The Golden Flower

My wristwatch says 9:11 PM. I am here late. I have been working for almost 15 hours, but only because Christmas is almost here. As I reach up to stretch my burning arms, I realize my pointer finger has developed a large blood blister. I softly tap it with my thumb as I let my arms fall back to my sides. My eyes stop focusing and I allow the panes of the large dirty window in front of me blur together.

As I stand to gather my things to leave, I look to the right at the pile of purses I’ve been working on all day. My boss has put me on a special project to hand-stitch a very detailed flower on one of the new handbag designs that our warehouse received. I wince as I glance at the center of one of the large gold flowers I hand-stitched with golden thread. The middle of the bloom was extremely intricate and required me to make extremely small stitches. As I finish picking up my materials, I decide to blame my throbbing blister on all of the flowers I had sewn that day.

I am proud of my work, I like what I do. Some of the girls my age that work around our neighborhood make more than me, but also have to stand on their feet all day selling jewelry. I wrinkle my nose as I think of the market where our handbags are sold. I often stroll through the rows and rows of stands and see other bags that our warehouse produces, and usually I can spot my work hanging in front. I’m not sure why tourists are so drawn to the handbags. They are just pieces of cloth and leather stitched together. All I know is that I work really hard to make sure my stitches match the pictures my boss puts at my station at the beginning of every week.

I shut the lights off and step out the back door. My friends are all waiting for me, and they are smoking. Paulo offers me a cigarette and I refuse. My arms hurt so much; I don’t think I can raise my hand to my mouth.

“Corilly, you worked a long shift. You are going to be the Queen of Manila! How many bags did you do today?” Paulo stuffed his cigarette box back into his shirt pocket.

“I got 16 bags done, but I think I’m getting better at those gold flowers. I might get even more done tomorrow.” I say as I gingerly rub my blister.

“Good! Now you can buy us dinner!” Paulo and Veronika laugh as my cheeks burn with embarrassment from not having enough money to do this.

“I wish I could, friends. I have to go home. I want to get up early so I can get some more bags done tomorrow. The boss is paying me more for these bags than normal. I need to be ready for Christmas.” I bounce my shoulders as I think to the day ahead.

My friends and I walk together towards our neighborhood. We all live near the freeway overpass. My family rents the apartment at the top of a large abandoned warehouse. Many families here share the buildings on the block.

The next morning I wake up to the sound of trash being dumped next to the freeway. I hate the smells that drift through the open window. I stand and run my fingers through my hair. I look around for my work pants and pull them on quickly. I am not sure what time it is, I have to make my way downstairs to check.

I step out into the morning air and breathe in. The humid air fills my lungs and I cough a little as I see the food stand nearby is grilling rice patties for breakfast. Before I put my hand in my pocket to feel for some Pesos, I look at my blister. It has gone down a bit, and it makes me happy. I pull out some money and hand it to the man selling the patties.

“Can I get two?” I ask as I stand on my tip-toes to see the fire under the grill lapping at the patties.

“Yes, you can. How is your job, Corilly?” The man selling patties knows my name because I come here every morning.

“Good, we are getting more designs every day. I think our bags sell better than any other warehouse that is offering them at the market.” He smiles as he wraps my patties in plastic and places them in a paper envelope.

“Good! Good! Now, you must donate to our rice fund!” He laughs and points at a jar for tips. I drop in a few Pesos and put my rice patties in my side pack. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” I wave at him as I step across the street and walk towards work.

As I get closer to the warehouse, I see a group of white people standing at the entrance. I shy away from them and duck behind one of the overpass columns. The white people are arguing with my boss. There are three women and one man.

“Will you just allow us to look around?” The tall woman with bright yellow hair talks as if she is plugging her nose.

“No! You are not allowed in here. This is my business, and my property. I will call the police!” My boss stands with her arms and legs pushed up against the frame of the door.

“We promise not to take anything. We may even buy something!” The man seems nicer than the blonde lady. The other two women are shorter and stand behind the man and blonde. They are both looking back and forth between each other and my boss. They seem younger than the other two in front.

My boss seems interested at their offer to buy merchandise. She tilts her head and looks beyond the group of white people. She seems to be looking right at me. I spin around and push my back against the side of the column, hoping she didn’t see me.

“Only you can come in, but the other three must stay out here. I don’t trust all of you tramping through my building. I don’t trust them standing out here alone, either. How do I know they won’t sneak in while I am showing you around?”

“We aren’t interested in stealing your property. We would just like to see how you are replicating some of these designs so well.” The blond woman’s voice sounds even more nasally when she speaks louder.

“No, I don’t trust you.” My boss sounds very angry. “Corilly! Come out from behind there!” I jump three feet in the air as I realize she’s called for me. I spin around as if I’ve been thrown from a dance partner in a tango.

“Yes?” My voice sounds so small. I am looking at the ground.

“Come over here. You are to walk with this man through the warehouse. You are to show him only the showroom, and nothing more.” She points at the man who is wearing a brown suit and holding a backpack.

I scurry over to the group and do not look at any of them. My boss steps aside and points to the hallway leading to the showroom. I step inside the doorway and turn back to see if he man is following me. His skin is so white, and his eyes are a piercing color of blue. I feel a jolt of electricity shoot down my spine and come out my feet as I quickly look back to the floor. I have never seen eyes that color before.

As we venture deeper into the hallway, I can hear my boss arguing with the blonde woman again. I slow as I approach the entryway to the showroom. I slowly turn back to see if he is still behind me. He smiles and steps into the doorway. I point at the piles and boxes of bags. “There.”

“My goodness, there are so many of them.” I nod and keep my head down. “Do you work here too?”

“Yes.” I shift my weight back and forth between my feet and glance up carefully. He is not looking at me. He is strolling around the room looking at the bags.

“These are incredible. You manufacture these all in house?” He stops to pick up one of the gold flower purses I have been working on for the past week.

“Yes.” I rub my blister as he rubs the center of the gold flower. A burst of pain from my blister causes me to jump.

“I am just amazed at how perfectly these match our pieces. I have never seen a better replica. Does the woman at the door do all of this herself?” He is now peering inside at the lining of the purse.

“No, she is the manager. I work on these bags, with a few other people. We sew them.” I am looking at the side of his face, and can’t see his eyes. I feel a bit braver without him staring at me.

He turns to me. “You did this needlework? It’s incredible. We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a machine to stitch the original handbags.” He squints back down at the center of the gold flower. “How the…” He trails off and I look back at the floor.

“It’s not that hard, I just follow the picture.” I pull the picture from my boss out of my pocket and hold it out to him. He steps over a small pile of purses and takes it from me.

“This is simply incredible. The detail work is amazing.” He is tracing one of the petals as he squints back at the picture. I step back as I hear my boss calling to me.

“Corilly! Get back out here!” I nervously take the picture from him and stuff it back in my pocket. He moves around me and calls down the hallway to my boss.

“We’re on our way outside, just picking one to buy!” He seems to know how to calm her down, because you can hear her grumble and continue to bark at the blonde woman. “I want to buy this.” He holds out the gold flower purse to me. I look at it and then up to him.

“You can’t pay me.” I push the purse back to him.

“I see. Well, I’ll pay her. I would just like to take a picture of your work, is that ok?” He pulls a digital camera out of his suit pocket. I look at him and then back at the hallway. I am worried my boss will hear him. As I glance back, I see the flash. He has already taken a picture without warning me.

“You probably should delete that,” I say to him softly. “She will take your camera.”

“I won’t let her. It’ll be our little secret.” He smiles and winks at me. “What is your name again?”

“Corilly!” My boss screams. “Get out here, now!” I turn from him and hurry out. He follows me and places his camera back in his pocket. As we get closer to the door, he touches my shoulder softly. An electric shock once again travels to my feet. I stop.

"Corilly, listen. I want you to stop working here. Come back with us." I breathe in slowly and close my eyes. I turn around and look at him.

"I can't, I don't want to leave. I am happy here." He holds the purse out in front of him.

"This is amazing work. I've never seen anyone do something like this by hand. You obviously are gifted. Come work for me, I will get you set up with your own place." I can tell he is taking a risk by asking me to join him. I feel excited and scared. I think of my family across the road.

"Um, I have a family here." I say to him.

"I know. We can work that out. They can come visit you anytime you want. Maybe just try it out?" The black part of his eyes are big, and he is smiling. I feel a rush of energy when I think about saying yes.

"I want to think about it, but it might work." My heart is racing, but I know deep down I could never do it.

"Yes, think about it. Listen, do you work today?"

"I do. I have to work until past dark."

"Ok. I will meet you outside here by that column you were standing by after dark. I will bring the girls so you don't feel uncomfortable. We can talk this all out. Can you stitch other designs?"

"Yes, I can stitch anything." I look back to the door, I hear my boss stomp her foot. She might be coming this way. "We have to hurry."

He glances at the blonde as he whispers to me. "I know, I know. Maybe tonight while you are working you can stitch some other examples. We can show them to Portia. She is my boss, and she won't be able to say no. Please think about it."

"Ok." I let him walk past me, and I follow him to the door.

“Thank you for allowing me to look at your merchandise, Ma’am,” the man says grandly to my boss. He hands her the gold flower purse and asks to buy it.

“It is Nineteen Thousand Pesos.” My boss puts her nose in the air as he pulls out his wallet. The blonde woman places her hand on his wallet.

“We are not paying over four hundred dollars for a filthy fake.” She growls at my boss as she glances down at the purse. "The stitching is nice, but the material is second-rate."

“This is not a filthy fake, this is a very high-quality replica with leather and gold thread. I must pay employees to do this by hand.”

“I will pay the money.” The man pulls out a thick stack of Pesos and counts out twenty bills. I have never seen so much money in my life. He glances at me as he hands the money to my boss. “This fine work deserves more. I hope you pay your employees well.”

“That is none of your business. Be on your way, I must take a load to the market.” My boss grabs my wrist and pulls me inside. She shuts the door on the four white people and rushes me into the production room where I normally work.

I sit down, thread my needle and begin to sew.

35 Odd Things

Hi Friends! I haven't forgotten about this blog... I've just been feeling kind of out of touch with life ever since I got back from Manila. I am feeling good today, for my first whole day off. I'm still in my pajamas and it's almost 4:30 PM. Awesome.

I owe my friend Jordan a blog post about my favorite blogs... and I plan to do that one tomorrow. I wanted to do this post because on a whim it made me want to post again. I obviously will not qualify for a successful NaBloMoPo... but I did say I gave it my old College Try... and if you know me, that's about all it turned out to be.

Here's my 35 Odd Things post. I hope you learn something new! :)

1. Do you like blue cheese?
Nah, it tastes funny.

2. Have you ever smoked?
No... I don't really like the smell of it.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope. But my father-in-law does!

4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite when you were a kid?
I didn't get Kool-Aid as a kid. I get it as an adult, though! I love the Tropical Punch flavor! I usually use two packets. Extra flavor!

5. Do you ever wish you could click undo in your life like on a CPU?
Yes, and I will often say the phrase "Control Z!" when I realize I've done something stupid.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think they are delicious. My husband hates them. When we first met, I told him I didn't like pork of any kind. I kept it up for about 3 years. Then I broke down and had to eat one. He won't kiss me if I've eaten a hot dog until a few hours have passed and I've brushed my teeth.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
I liked Prancer... but my favorite one of all time is Mr. Kruger's Christmas. Every time I hear Jimmy Stewart say "Won't you come in for some Chocolate?!" it makes me cry a little.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Orange juice or Diet Coke.

9. Can you do push ups?
I don't think so. I hated that stupid army video we had to follow in Junior High... aerobics day. Ugh.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring.

11. Favorite hobby?
I used to love making and posting YouTube movies, but I don't do that much anymore. Too much pressure to make good stuff without using copyright songs. Ugh. My hobby now is probably working and spending time with my husband.

12. Do you have A. D. D.?
Yes, because when... wanna go get some ice cream?

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
I have glasses now that I wear when I get tired of squinting. I don't wear them all of the time. I don't like contacts because it feels like I'm having a Tupperware party on my eyes.

14. Middle name?
Your mom

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
- I need to go clean my office
- My Brown Christmas tree is amazing
- I am hungry.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
- Water by way of ice
- Diet Coke
- Sprite

17. Current worry?
Having to go back to work on Monday. I love it, but it takes a lot out of me.

18. Current hate right now?
How the agents at my job don't understand our outsourcing partners.

19. How did you bring in the new year?
Last year? We had a party at my house, and my parents came. It was so funny. This year, probably the same... but maybe I won't have to work on New Years day. I had to work all three holidays last year. Fail.

21. Name three people who will complete this?
- Jordan
- Aimee
- Derek

22. Do you own slippers?
Not ACTUAL slippers, but I wear a lot of really warm thick socks. Happy feet!

23. What color shirt are you wearing?
My favorite tee-shirt, the gray Broken Yolk Cafe shirt from San Diego. :)

24. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Nah, they are too hot.

25. Can you whistle?
Only when I suck in. Stupid. My husband, however, is a Wizard at whistling. He can even do a trill. Whenever we play Puzzle Quest, he whistles the song playing, and usually I'm losing. It drives me crazy mad.

26. Where are you now?
At home, waiting for Arthur to get back with Christmas tree hooks, some more Target ornaments, and some delicious dinner.

27. Would you be a pirate?
It depends if your mom is on the ship.

28. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't usually listen to songs with lyrics in the shower. Usually techno so I go faster.

29. Favorite Girl's Name?
Jewel

30. Favorite boy's name?
Phineas... but I might call him Fin for short.

31. What is in your pocket right now?
No pockets in this crushed velor pair of pants!

32. Something that really made you laugh?
Arthur is always making me laugh - but it would have to be the text conversation between my little brother Mike and me.
Me: Mike! What is the story behind this donut on the counter?
Mike: It is for eatings.
Me: Why must it sit here and taunt me?
Mike: You may eat it.
Me: It has a blemish.
Mike: Lo siento.
Me: Is that Spanish for "eat around it"?
Mike: Close. "I'm sorry."
Me: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike carry me to wooooooooooooork. (After I'd eaten the donut, I was about ready to die.)

33. Worst injury you've ever had?
Broken bones usually hurt pretty bad. Broken toe, probably.

34. Do you love where you live?
Yes!

35. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2. One in the bedroom and one downstairs.

Bukowski's Widow

Once the neon is gone
There's still that golden splinter at your side
His manners are charming
But who are you fooling
You're still nobody's bride
And Bukowski's widow
Haunts each empty seat on the ferris wheel
As ghoulish lovers collide in a collage
Of kisses that they steal

Manila Pictures

I'm home! Hurray! I got some great pictures. I want to share them with you. They tell the story pretty well. You can click on any of them to see them large size.

We'll start with introducing the girl I traveled with. Her name is Karly. She is about my same age, and she and I are a lot alike. She works for the same department as me and she and I both stayed at the same hotel. She worked at one center in Manila, and I worked at another. Here is a picture of us in front of the hotel we stayed at. It's called the Makati Shangri-La.

On our only weekend off, we went shopping around Manila to see the city. Here are some city shots. The city is big, with lots of tall buildings.

After walking around a bit, we went to some of the Malls. There are SO MANY malls in the business district of Makati. One of the highest class malls in Asia is there, and it's known as Greenbelt. They have Gucci, Prada and other high class stores. This woman is from one of the malls. They have these crazy life-size cutouts of people everywhere. She made me smile.

Here is me in front of one of their Fast Food restaurants. I thought the bee was really cute.

After we went to the Mall, Karly said she was craving a salad with real iceberg lettuce. We decided to go American and eat at the Hard Rock Makati. It was pretty good! Here are some pictures of our drinks and the bar staff. Don't worry, everything was non-alcoholic! ;)

During the rest of the weekend I had a wonderful massage and a relaxing day of doing nothing but sitting around in my hotel room. I ended up not leaving my room for almost an entire day. Because of this, the cleaning staff didn't get a chance to come into my room and do the daily housekeeping. They were so happy when I finally let them clean my room that they left me chocolates!

One day after work, Karly and I went to the pool to relax and have a drink. I worked a little and called my husband. You will be able to spot my work laptop by my feet. It was a beautiful morning!


There was a delicious breakfast buffet in the hotel called Circles. Usually we ate dinner when we were headed to work and then ate breakfast after work because of our flip-flop schedule. I would wake up at 6:00 PM, get ready, and then meet Karly for dinner around 8:30 PM. We would leave around 9:45 and then work until 8:00 AM. When we got back, we ate breakfast together. I had Salmon and jasmine rice for every meal! Delicious!

I worked at a location in Manila called ePerformax. They are a 3rd party outsourcer who takes phone calls for eBay and PayPal. Here are a couple of pictures from there. The first is with one of the agents. He immediately called me his "BFF". He was so sweet.

Here is the sign you see when you enter the floor that the call center is located on:

Here is my name on a sign to welcome me. It was there for the whole 2 weeks I was in Manila! I felt pretty special.

The last few days we were in the Shangri-La, they put the Christmas decorations up. In the lobby, they set up this amazing display with a gold chair. I couldn't wait to sit in it and have my picture taken. Check out my fancy face!

The very last day we were in Manila, we went to the Manila Temple. It was a very pretty Temple and the grounds were gorgeous. Here are some pictures from the Temple. This first one is of Karly and me in front of the Temple.

Some of the most beautiful palm trees I saw in Manila were on the Temple grounds. Here are some of the palm trees.

Here is me with some sister missionaries.

This is a side shot of the Temple.

Here is the other side!

These Philippino men were sitting outside of the Temple. I thought they were cute and so I took a picture of them.

There were a lot of Jeepneys parked in the Temple parking lot. The Jeepneys are popular in Manila because people use them for public transportation. Karly and I were so excited to be in a picture with them! Here we are in front of a Jeepney!

I have a few more pictures that I will be getting from Karly from our trip. She will be posting them and I will get them uploaded here as soon as I can.

I had such a wonderful time and I can't wait to go back sometime soon. I am pretty tired, and will be taking tomorrow and maybe Tuesday off to start feeling normal again. The flight home was pretty intense, and so a few days to recenter and feel like I can work hard again will be good for me. Sorry I didn't blog the few days I was traveling, but I figured a big post was better than 2-3 little boring posts. :) Thanks to all of you who commented on my posts so far this month! See you tomorrow for another NaBloPoMo!

Am I allowed to cheat?

I feel awful. I almost didn't post today. What happens if I cheat on NaBloPoMo? I will feel disgusting inside. I am so tired. I have so much to tell you about in this blog. Can I please promise a huge celebratory post when I get back?

Please don't be mad... This is all I have...

2 Shifts Remaining...

I am now counting down the days left in Manila by shifts.

I am really really tired, and want to blog about so many things... but I am so exhausted. I can't even keep my eyes open to try to call Arthur tonight. I want to talk to him, but I can't wait any longer.

I have to go to a different center here in Manila tonight to work for a new group. I will be there until 3:00 AM and then transfer back to the main location in Manila to finish off my 12 hour shift.

So tired... but just two work shifts left... then a wonderful 17 hour flight back home. *Sigh* I promise to blog a bit more when I wake up. Miss everyone!